Fear of Failure...

There may be some heavy folks out there who are as brave as can be, but my experience has been one of "I can't". Not being athletic, talented, or "cool", I was always afraid to try new things. I think having a history of failures creates a fear of adding to that history and reinforcing that poor self-image. When you are used to living like that, it is very difficult to get out of that mindset.

 

Saturday morning, I was brought face to face with that old pattern of behavior, and it was over something silly. It wasn't football, baseball, running, or biking; it wasn't even anything particularly athletic.

 

It was disc golf. I was invited to go play a round of disc golf with some of the guys from church. Here's all the instructions you need to get started: Stand here and throw this round thing. Walk over to it, pick it up, and throw it again. Repeat this sequence until you land the disc in the basket at the end of the hole. I had all the necessary qualifications - I can see, I can walk, I can bend over, and I can throw a frisbee. I was on a roll of doing things I'd never done before (like strap myself into insanely-nauseating roller coasters, running for fun, losing 140 lbs., etc.), and so I willingly accepted the invitation.

 

I left for the park at the appointed time...

 

I almost drove past the park. On purpose. My fear of adding to my legacy of failure had nearly paralyzed me, and I came this close to simply driving on by and running some errands. I actually had to have a conversation with myself, and force myself to go play. Everyone I went to play with was athletic to some degree or another (although, I repeat, this sport takes little athletic prowess). I was the only first-timer in the bunch, and I did not do very well. But it did not matter - I forgot all about trying to be "good", and just focused on having fun, enjoying the fellowship, and getting outside and enjoying a beautiful Saturday morning.

 

Old mental habits and attitudes are extremely hard to break - when we rehearse them, we strengthen them, and deal a serious blow to the likelihood that we will ever do anything to change them. You can change them with time, but studies tell us that it takes many, many positive affirmations to counter the effects of one negative thought. And when that thought has been reinforced over and over through experiences, thoughts, and fears, it can be crippling.

 

After many failures, Thomas Edison said, "If I find 10,000 ways something won't work, I haven't failed. I am not discouraged, because every wrong attempt discarded is another step forward".

 

Weight loss has stopped; the media circus has ended; but I continue to grow and change in ways I never could have imagined.

 

Man, this is fun!